It is January 1st of a new year. Santa stretches his legs on to a pouffe and addresses his elves. “You know guys. That is the end of another season and you know what—it is getting more and more difficult for me to run around. Sigh!! Where are the nice chimneys and window sills. All I find are delivery chutes to climb up and reach high rise apartments. I think it is time to clone myself into multiple Santas to cope with the job!”
The senior most elf said, “Strange Santa. This year we have got many emails from adults sending their wish list. Would you like to have a look at it?”
“Cool! I hope the mood of these adults is not heavy. I am tired of granting wishes that are serious, solemn and sombre to people who have forgotten how to take life lightly. I am only going to grant wishes that are fun stuff. So let us see the list, shall we?”
Meera Cherian puffs and pants on her cardio round on the cross trainer. “Santa, dear Santa. Can you not grant me a wish so that I can eat all that I want and not put on weight?” she wails. “Ahem!” said Santa. “If only I could do so, would I too not be size zero dear girl” he sighs.
As he gets out of his classy Benz, Jai, from Alchemy Fitness Centre in SCORE says, “Santa, apart from conducting dancercise and Zumba classes, I am an ardent angler. So can you get me a mermaid please?” Mermaids sing and entice people with their soulful music. Bombay Jayshree trilled to Santa, “If the garbage on the road can turn into mittens holding mysore paks, wouldn’t that be blissful?”
Suchi, the pop diva takes a deep breath and says, “I am terribly shallow. I’d ask for a few A R Rahman recordings, a dozen or more Bollywood chances, a few more gigs at colleges (the ultimate high), a few A R Rahman recordings, good health and prosperity for my family. And Oh! Did I mention a few A R Rahman recordings?” Santa replies “Thathasthu”. Indira Kameswaran too takes time off from her hospital, MERF to tweet, “I am learning music. I could do with a Grand piano”.
Chitra Ravi is fine tuning Chrysalis, her ICT curriculum. “Can Santa make people smile more? Everyone seems to be worried all the time and a smile can ease people up.” “You bet” said Santa, “Maybe I should scatter a smile powder in the winds to bring on the grins.” Anita Kumaran knows what Santa is capable off, “You can make this happen Santa…just a toy for every kid on the street”. And while you are at it Santa here is a desperate plea from a Dad, Pradeep Chakravarthy. “I wish for more energy to run behind my two year old!!” he gasps as he takes time off from chasing elusive historical data.
Violinist and Hindustani vocalist, Meenakshi Shivkumar says, “Dear Santa! Make man and woman more compatible and harmonious..not to fight over equality”. Santa mutters, “And pigs may fly”. Shylaja Arunkumar wants a techno savvy ‘Ro Ro Roboda’ assistant, “who will drive my car, run errands, act as personal secretary, communicate well and look dashing”. Housewives, who are pooling TV watch time to save power bills say amidst sniffs and sobs, “Can Santa issue a ban on mother’s–in-law and daughter’s-in-law serials? We would rather watch judges, anchors and participants fight it out in ‘reality’ shows”. C P Raman says, “Help to keep the power on when I am watching TV and keep the potholes of a size that my Scooty can cope with”. Santa mumbles, “At our age CP, we should not be riding dicey vehicles anyway”. Raghav and Rajiv have one fervent wish, “Please make it 100 x 100 for our demi god, Sachin at least this year Santa”.
“Santa oh Santa…please rid this world from the ‘Kolaveri’ spell” says a disgruntled Deepak Rajgopaul. “At least give me a crate of chilled beer to cope,” says Sashi Nair. Tehnaz Bahadurji is looking ahead. “My son is getting married. Bless the couple with health and happiness”.
“Hmmmmm. I wish there was a Santa to hear my requests” murmurs Santa as he sips his mulled wine, “I wish he could rid me of my arthritis and give me a new pair of knees. All this snow and sleigh rides are not doing anything good for my bones”.
This was an article that I wrote for a newspoaper’s New Year special supplement…it did not get published due to lack of space!!